All Hail, Emperor Boris! You have done an amazing thing. You have saved and restored trust in democracy and won a great triple victory of historic proportions against the odds and the downright hatred of most of the elite of your country. You have won bigger than any Tory PM since Thatcher, seen the Labour have its worst result since 1935 losing many seats for the first time ever. You have united a party that when you found it 5 months ago was a burning divided mutinous hulk. You got a Deal with Europe that everyone said would be impossible. You have captured the imagination of the Nation in a way that no one has done since Blairmania.
But, a warning before your Triumph's celebration is complete - all such glory is fleeting. Already, the Wet, One Nation, Secret Remainer Losers that almost destroyed the most successful party in history, nearly ruined Britain's democracy and eviscerated the People's trust in government are trying to inveigle their way into your counsels. Do not listen to their siren song of compromise, timorousness and non-conservatism. Only you can maintain the new coalition you have built for true conservative values. Only you can show worker and boss how their success is wrapped up with each other and with liberal economics. Only you can show how Brexit is not a threat to us but a great and rewarding opportunity.
Stick by your guns and be yourself. It's worked so far. And remember you are PM of the whole country now, not London or Scotland. Govern accordingly and you will press home even greater success than this.
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